banana almond bread

I'm on vacation from work this week. The freedom feels so familiar and comforting. I've been a full time working mom for a little over two months now and it seems to be getting harder rather than easier. I anticipated this phenomenon, knowing that there would be a recognizable honeymoon phase. The first couple of months happened to be our busy season so there was little time to think, which was a huge blessing. I spent a lot of time catching up with all the co-workers I had missed so much and the rest of the time getting re-acclimated to the working world. My son was sick for the first three weeks I was back thanks to all of those super fun kid germs at daycare. He had the flu first, which both Jon and I caught and then he suffered from a cold for a couple of weeks which he passed along to me, but spared Jon the excitement. They say that sharing is caring. It was a rough first month. 

I love my job. Taking care of people is something that is woven into the fabric of my being. This is probably why I love to feed people so much. Giving keeps me going and makes me feel like myself.

Working outside of the house has some distinct advantages. No one follows me to the bathroom when I have to go. I can get through an entire conversation with another adult without a toddler trying to pull my pants down or yelling for me to push him around in a tiny wooden tray. My lunch hour has an incredible amount of possibilities and I can come and go as I please within that hour. Money is nice. Not depleting our savings is pretty great as is the ability to buy things we want, but in this moment, those all feel a little dim in the light of that almost two year old with whom I'm so smitten. 

We went to the zoo yesterday and shared a blueberry muffin and a croissant at a favorite cafe in San Francisco. When we had our fill of giraffes and gorillas, we went to visit a friend in our old neighborhood. Oliver played with toys and balloons and I caught up with a dear friend. It was a perfect day. I cried at the end of it when I hugged him in the kitchen as he laughed hysterically at my fake sneezes. I miss him. There's no way around it. I know a lot of women do this and they get through it, even enjoy it. I'm hoping that I'll get there soon. 

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Everyone needs a great banana bread recipe in their repertoire. This one is a little unconventional but pays off in the end. You can store the loaf in an airtight container at room temperature for a couple days but I like to put mine in the fridge because I'm a weirdo and I like cold cake. You'll lose the crispy crunch on top of the cake when you store it, so try to eat as much as you can on the day it's baked. 

banana almond bread

makes one loaf

adapted from this recipe

Ingredients: 

• 1 3/4 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/8 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/8 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg
• 1 cup packed brown sugar, divided
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 cup greek yogurt
• 3 ripe bananas, divided
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 1/3 cup sliced almonds
• turbinado sugar (also known as raw or coarse sugar)

Preparation: 

1. Grease a 9x5x4 loaf pan with butter or non-stick spray and pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees with a rack in the middle. 
2. Combine the flour, baking soda, salt and spices in a large bowl. 
3. In a medium bowl, using a hand held mixer, beat the eggs and 3/4 cup of the brown sugar until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add 1 banana, the yogurt and a 1/4 cup of brown sugar and beat until well combined, with just a few lumps remaining. Add the oil and blend to combine. 
4. Coarsely mash the remaining two bananas with a fork and fold into the wet ingredients. 
5. Dump the wet ingredients into the dry ones and toss in the almonds. Mix with a wooden spoon until just combined, being careful not to over mix the batter. 
6. Pour the batter into the prepared loaf pan and sprinkle the top with sugar. Bake in the center of the oven until a toothpick stuck in the center comes out with just a few moist crumbs, about 45 minutes to 1 hour. 

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eat your feelings (wrapped in pastry)

This morning was our sons first day of daycare. I have prepared for this moment for weeks, running it over and over again in my head. I have made lists and plans and will have more things to do in the next two weeks before starting work than I can realistically accomplish. As an extra precaution, I asked my husband to go to breakfast with me after the drop off this morning so that I'd have something to look forward to while I did my best not to sob uncontrollably. We went to a new bagel shop and talked about how the morning went and if we should just bite the bullet and let him go full time this week instead of doing half days like we had planned. After the bagels, we popped next door to our favorite donut shop to share a donut, just because we could (and because I was eating my feelings). 

Transitions can be rough for me. I love to think about change and dream about what could be, but often when we get right down to it, I usually wish things could stay the same forever because I'm never really sure. This morning I certainly felt that. I was ready to throw in the towel on all of this change and call it a day. Thankfully, my husband is rock solid. He makes decisions based on logic (what is that?!) and therefore rarely regrets a decision. He also realizes that right now I'm going through all of the emotions of a major life change and eventually I'll get through it and join him on solid ground. Like the fact that I thought I was going to paint the entire kitchen, including the walls and cabinets, all by myself in the next two weeks. Oh, and go on vacation in the middle of it, too. Haha! I'm really trying to put a band aid on how I feel right now. (Does anyone have a donut?!)

At the end of the day, I showed up to get Oliver from daycare and I stood there for 15 minutes while he played, not even aware of the fact that I had arrived to get him. When he finally did notice me, he gave me a little nod and kept right on playing. Of course, I expected him to come running to me with tears in his eyes, wanting to cling to his mama, but I'm so grateful that he didn't, showing me that he was perfectly happy where we have placed him. That is the best scenario I could have hoped for. Tomorrow, we are going to pull off the band aid and let him stay all day. I'm planning on dropping him off and heading to San Francisco instead of painting the kitchen. I'll sit in my favorite cafe and enjoy a cup of coffee without disruption and I'll be so thankful to know that he's not missing me. 

With the combination all of these life changes and the cooler weather, I've been in a comfort food routine for a few weeks. Last Sunday, I was a good wife and made pot roast. I took my mothers advice and doubled the recipe so I was left with a whole lot of roast and no plan. Well, where there is no plan, there is a buttery pastry waiting to be filled. I roasted some potatoes and squash with some cozy herbs and wrapped it up in a wheat pastry. This might be the best way to eat leftovers. I now want to put everything in pie dough. 

When you find yourself with some leftovers, you've got to give this a try. If you don't have leftover meat, or you're a vegetarian, sautéed mushrooms would make an excellent stand in, but use 5 cups of sliced mushrooms and then sauté. You'll lose a lot of volume by cooking them. If you don't want to make the pastry, a store bought one would certainly make this a quick meal, and don't we all need extra time in the day. 

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beef hand pies (or the best way to eat leftovers)

makes 8 hand held pies

Ingredients: 

For the pastry dough

• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2/3 cup very cold water
• 2 cups, plus 2 tablespoons all purpose flour
• 1 cup whole wheat flour
• 1 cup, plus 5 tablespoons unsalted butter, very cold, cut into 1 inch cubes (keep cold until needed)

For the filling

• 3 cups left over cooked meat (like pot roast or roasted chicken), cut into 1 inch pieces
• 1 small butternut squash, peeled, seeded and cut into 1/2" cubes
• 5 small red potatoes, cut into 1/2" cubes
• 1/2 large yellow onion, diced small
• 1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves (from about 12 stems)
• 1 tablespoon fresh sage, minced (about 8 small leaves)
• 1/2 tablespoon kosher salt
• freshly ground pepper
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 cup finely shredded parmesan

Egg wash

• 1 egg, lightly beaten
• 1 tablespoon water

Preparation: 

1. Mix the salt into the water until dissolved and keep cold until needed. 
2. Add both flours to the bowl of a food processor and add butter. Pulse until the butter is the size of peas. Add the water and pulse until the dough is just starting to hold together and is starting to look a little damp. Pour the contents out of the bowl onto a lightly floured surface. Divide the dough in half and gently bring one half together into a 5" disk. Repeat with remaining half. Cover with plastic wrap, add to a ziplock bag and refrigerate for at least two hours or overnight. 
3. When the dough is chilling, pre-heat the oven to 400 degrees. Toss the potatoes, butternut squash, onion, thyme and sage in olive oil. Arrange the vegetables in a single layer on a rimmed baking sheet and sprinkle with salt and freshly ground pepper. Roast until very tender and starting to brown, about 45 minutes. Set aside to cool. 
4. Line two rimmed baking sheets with a silicone mat or parchment paper.
5. On a lightly floured surface, roll out one of the disks to about a 1/4" thick. Keep the other disk in the fridge to keep cold. Cut out 6" (or close to it) diameter circles using a bowl or cake pan, or free hand it! You can see above that my circles were pretty wonky, so don't be too worried about how perfect they are. You should get about four per pastry disk. Re-roll the pie dough only once to use up the scraps. 
6. On one half of each piece of dough, add a scant 1/4 cup vegetables and 4-6 pieces of meat. Add a decent sprinkle of parmesan cheese and fold the top half over. Crimp the edges with a fork to seal and transfer to the baking sheet. Place the sheet into the freezer while you make the other pies, adding each one to the freezer as you finish them. 
7. Brush the tops of the pies with egg wash and cut 1/2" slits into the top of the pies to vent.
8. Bake on the top third and lower third rack of the oven at 400 degrees until golden and cooked through, about 22 minutes. Rotate pans halfway through to ensure even cooking. 

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savory oatmeal

One of the things I have enjoyed the most about being home with my family for the past year and a half is our breakfasts together. Our daily schedule has become like muscle memory to us by now, always starting with a little voice in the next room babbling about choo choos or "bubbie buh" which is his word for Bubble Guppies, his favorite cartoon. Jon and I usually roll over at the first peep, hoping it's a false alarm, but when he starts kicking the wall (undoubtedly annoying our new neighbors downstairs), we jump up and rescue him from his crib. A diaper is changed, a milk smoothie is made and the french press is poured while we all settle in on the couch to watch an episode of "bubbie buh". Our apartment doesn't see much morning sun, which creates a gentle environment to ease us into the day ahead, and the coffee gives us the jolt we need to get going. After the cartoons, we switch on the news, Jon hits the shower and Ollie and I make breakfast. Usually eggs, often with greens or squash with cheese, piled on top of buttered sourdough toast. We all sit down together at the table most mornings and Oliver makes our hearts swell when he puts out his hands to remind us to pray. After thanking the Lord for His goodness to us, we eat and we laugh, mostly at Oliver and then daddy leaves for work and Ollie and I go about our day. 

In just a few short weeks, I'll be returning to work full time. While I have missed the working world and look forward to joining it again, this decision was a hard one to make, with the obvious consideration of my son and the life we have come to enjoy so much. It's overwhelming at times to think about all the changes we will go through and all the adjustments we will have to accommodate. Only knowing life as a stay-at-home mom, I can't quite wrap my head around what our lives will look like in a few short weeks. My hope is that we will adapt with joy and marvel at all the new opportunities we have been given, though I must be honest, today I'm feeling like I'm going to desperately miss my son. 

I'm hoping our breakfasts will still be a part of our morning, even if they're slightly abbreviated. These savory oats definitely could be on the menu, especially if I make a big batch on Monday morning and just reheat them the rest of the week, only needing to cook a quick egg. I love that these take a savory turn as too much sugar in the morning generally doesn't do me any favors. They're a good way to start your day and could easily carry you through to lunch. 

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savory oatmeal with a poached egg

serves four

Ingredients: 

• 2 cups water
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup quick cooking steel cut oats (I love Bob's Red Mill)
• 1 teaspoon hot sauce (plus more for garnish)
• 1/4 teaspoon cumin
• 1/4 teaspoon smoked paprika
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• sprinkle of freshly ground pepper
• 4 eggs
• 1/4 red onion, diced
• 1/4 cilantro, chopped

Preparation: 

1. Bring water and salt to a boil and add the oats. Decrease the heat to low and cover. Cook for 5-7 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove the pot from the heat and let it sit for two minutes. Transfer the oats to medium bowl and add the hot sauce, cumin, smoked paprika, kosher salt and fresh ground pepper. Stir to combine and cover with foil. 
2. In a clean sauce pan, bowl 4 cups of water and then reduce to a gentle simmer (you should see small bubbles coming up from the bottom, but nothing more aggressive than that). Crack an egg into a small bowl or cup. Swirl the water with a wooden spoon and slide the egg into the middle of the swirl. This allows the whites to wrap around the yolk in a little package. It may still look a little messy, but thats ok. Set a timer for 2 minutes. Remove the egg from the water with either a slotted spoon or a spider strainer. Transfer to a plate. Trim and wild bits of egg white. Repeat with remaining eggs. 
3. To plate, divide the oats among four bowls and top with an egg, onion, cilantro and a splash of hot sauce. Sprinkle with a touch of salt and pepper. 

my dad's beans

One of the most exciting parts of having a family is creating traditions together. My late step-mom was tradition crazy. She never missed a beat. Every holiday was a huge to do and our birthdays were no exception. For every birthday we shared with her, she stayed up late the night before and quietly decorated the house so we would wake up to streamers and huge "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" signs while we stumbled through the house to the shower. Most likely by her suggestion, on the morning of our birthday, my dad would take each of us out to breakfast, just him and the birthday girl, for the $1.99 Denny's Grand Slam. It was really special. 

My dad's birthday was last week and to celebrate him, I made a pot of his famous beans. It felt appropriate, on his birthday, to offer a little homage to a time that seemed a lot less complicated for him than life is now. When we were kids, coming home to the smell of his beans in the crockpot was the absolute best. Nothing could beat a big bowl of smoky, savory beans with gobs of cheese and cornbread. Plus, that meant dad was making dinner instead of our step-mom. She was beautiful but a terrible cook.

I'd like to make it a tradition to make a batch of beans on my dad's birthday every year, to honor him and to re-live those meals we had together so long ago, with our TV trays, watching Andy Griffith, slurping up every last bean. I will enjoy telling Oliver about his grandpa over a warm bowl, laughing at all the crazy things my dad has told me over the years. Like the time he convinced a friend of mine who had come over for dinner, that our goat was going to be the main course. She about died, and so did I. He's a funny guy, that dad of mine. Those stories make it feel as though we aren't so far apart after all, especially when paired with a piping hot bowl of his beans. 

My beans are slightly different than my dad's version, but the essence is still there. I add herbs and lots of pepper, his are a bit more subtle. They're simple, really, but taste complex thanks to the long cooking time. I will often add rosemary and occasionally double the meat.

Feel free to garnish these the way you'd like. I took pictures of three different ways to eat them. I prefer cheese and sliced onion on top while dunking my cornbread into the salty broth. My dad always does cheese, diced onion and crumbles the cornbread over the top. Feel free to go whichever way you'd like. There isn't a bad way to do it really, it's all a matter of taste. 

For left over beans, I love to puree them and use them as "refried" beans. They're amazing in burritos. 

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slow cooker beans with smoked pork

serves 10

Ingredients: 

• 1 pound dried pinto beans
• chicken stock (about 6-9 cups)
• 1 large yellow onion, quartered
• 4 large garlic cloves, quartered
• 1 rounded tablespoon dried thyme
• 1/4 cup butter (half of a stick)
• 1-2 pounds smoked ham hock (bone in)
• salt and freshly ground pepper

Garnish: 

• 1/2 yellow onion, diced or sliced, however you like it
• 2 cups shredded cheddar
• cornbread, cut into individual servings, or cubed, or crumbled

Preparation: 

1. In a large bowl, add the dried beans and cover with cool water to at least three inches over the beans. Let them soak over night. If you forgot, or you don't have time to do an overnight soak, add the dried beans to a large pot and cover with cool water to at least three inches over the top of the beans. Bring to a boil and then take the pot off the heat and cover with a lid. Let the beans sit in the hot water, off heat for an hour. Continue with the recipe. 
2. Drain the beans and rinse thoroughly. Add them to a 6 quart slow cooker and add enough chicken broth to cover the beans by at least an inch. Add the onion, garlic, thyme, butter and pork. Season with a generously with salt and pepper (at least a few large pinches). 
3. Cook on high for 4-5 hours or low for 7-8 hours, until the beans are tender and creamy, but not falling apart. 
4. With a fork, break up the pork and remove the bone. Divide among 10 bowls and garnish with onion, cheese and cornbread, if making. 

Note: these beans freeze wonderfully. This recipe makes a lot, so feel free to pack them up into an airtight container and freezer for up to one month. You can do that with the cornbread, too. Instant meal!

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